Again, for my benefit, please listen to the song to the right while reading this blog....It means a lot to me...
Dad is pretty incoherent at this point, telling Anne and I that we need to "clean up all of the splotches on the floor" and that the way for me to reconcile with Columbia Gas would be to "take a picture of the biggest group of birds I can find on the beach and then show THAT to them." He's often agitated, saying that Anne's being mean to him by not "letting" him get up (an impossibility with only one person, let alone extremely difficult with two or more). It's hard. Most of his "words" are gibberish, me leaning in to try to make sense of the moans and blah....This is shit. This is ridiculous.
Dad's too big to move entirely and so he's now been forcefully bedridden, with a condom catheter and a diaper on. THIS is not my dad. BUT, he still smiles. I thought for a long time that his smile would be with me forever, and now I KNOW it will...The little bits of smile that we get now-a-days are so intense and perfect. GOD! What are we going to do without that smile???
I'm scared because my dad's dying. He may not (most likely) last even through this week, but I am somewhat comforted (at least for the time being) that I will forever see that smile in my head, in my dreams, in my heart.
Stay well and take care of yours.