Today is the day that Dad has decided that he will do no more chemo. He's become weak to the point of almost completely bedridden. Every day this week has shown extreme deterioration and more inability to function. Talking has become uncomfortable along with everything else. Just today I decided that visiting hours should be limited from 11am-2pm and 4pm-6pm are when people can come by to see dad. Please observe the "Nap in progress" sign and come back another time. But, at this rate, I am unsure how long visitors will be a good idea at all, so please stay posted.
I called Jocelyn, Dad's Oncology nurse and told her the situation and all of the goings on this week. I also explained that Dad was pretty die hard to still come and have his CT Scan read, though I and the family didn't see it being physically possible, comfortable or worth it. What would it change? Another round of chemo, which was supposed to be adminstered this coming Monday, would surely kill the man, painfully and fast.
Jocelyn got on the phone with Dad and explained her position (same as the family) and I think that's what Dad needed to hear. So the CT scan and upcomng oncology appointments have been canceled and Hospice will start tomorrow. It's a relief in a way, but now we have to work toward the end and that's really tough.
More later...
Lili
Lili - Please know how much I love and respect your dad. Although my heart is breaking, I can't help but smile remembering all the good times I have had with him over the many years - every one of them filled with laughter. If you at some point would ever like to see photos from some of those times, just let me know and I will email them to you. Also, I want you to know what a remarkable daughter I think you are for being there as his primary caregiver. I can't even begin to imagine how difficult and emotionally draining that must be, while being so very special and meaningful at the same time. Your roles are reversed, you are taking care of your daddy now. Such a loving and unselfish thing for you to do. I know he is very proud of his baby girl. Love -Debbie
ReplyDeleteHospice people are wonderful magical people, cannot say enough about them.
ReplyDeleteAll our lives we take care of people to make them better. Now is the time not to cure and give comfort. Not curing is so against our prior whole existence, but it will turn into one of the most coveted endearing part of your life. This is a great gift of love to give to someone ya love.
Do yourself a favor and tell yourself that from this moment on all the anger towards that disease is left behind and maybe I'll have another round with you later, I have to be with my Dad in this new part of our lives, not you! Cause it really doesn't matter any more why. All that could be done was done and don't you ever do a would have could have should have to yourself!
My thoughts and love are with You and Will and Annie.